It happens twice a year, every year. The clocks go forward. The clocks go backward. You lose an hour, you gain an hour. And it is always on a Sunday which means you will feel the effects on Monday.
As much as we disliked the whole concept before we had our son, it is now that much more difficult. Our son does not grasp the concept. His schedule does not change. He woke up this past weekend bright and early and ready to go. Fortunately it was a good day and he was happy. But it was still early and we were not quite as awake as he was. And when it was time for his bedtime routine, he was not too thrilled. It was very bright out and he thought he had plenty of time to play and tear the house apart. Eventually we got him to sleep, but it was not a smooth transition. Needless to say, Sunday was a long day. Monday was no better. It was not a good start to the week and felt like an extended hangover. It feels like the week has been dragging and we are losing our sanity. There is no need to "save daylight." We have yet to see the benefits and would be happy to see this phenomenon disappear.
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We are planners. We like to plan ahead as much as possible to make sure we arrive on time (which means early) for appointments, meetings, events, etc. We believe in the mantra "if you are not 15 minutes early, you are late."
Our son, however, has his own schedule. There is no rhyme or reason to what he wants to do when he wants to do it (except eat). We tried, as many new parents do, to get him on a schedule so we can have some semblance of balance and sanity in our world. And every time we think we have it down, he changes. We used to not understand why our friends who had children were never on time. Now we do. No matter how early we try to leave for anything we are late. Without fail something comes up as we are ready to leave - he has to go to the bathroom (or went and needs a change), he has not woken up from his nap, etc. It has taken quite a bit of adjusting but we are learning we cannot control our schedules anymore. We have also learned that we should not purchase tickets to an event that are not refundable because there is a 50/50 chance (at best) of us making it on time if at all. There is no doubt that we will keep trying, but deep down we know that the days of being on time are gone. If we are 15 minutes late we are on time... Mondays are the most difficult day of the week. We enjoyed our last two days with family and away from the office (well to the extent that it is possible anyway). We get stressed out thinking about the week of work ahead. We do not want to commute. Our pillow calls out to us to stay put.
All of these feelings occur on a regular basis for anyone who works. Maybe in varying degrees depending on your particular situation, but they are there. Then throw in Daylight Savings Time. This is a miserable concept created just to make people unhappy. My life is not going to change drastically as a result of moving my clock backwards and forwards. But the first two days following the change are miserable. Our son has no clue about Daylight Savings Time and does not adjust accordingly. Thus, he is awake and ready to go and mommy and daddy are struggling to keep up (even more so than usual). While we were fortunate that he woke up happy and in a good mood, we spent the whole sleep deprived day trying to entertain him. And then to get up and come to work on the second day following Daylight Savings Time. Just pure torture. It's like they say in Office Space, someone has a case of the Mondays. And I most certainly do... We get the questions a lot. "Can he watch your son by himself?" "Has he watched your son alone before?" A lot of people have a hard time believe that a dad can watch his child or children without some kind of assistance. There are many, many fathers that I cannot see taking care of their child alone. But there are also many who can.
If the dad is not involved, the task can be monumental but not insurmountable. If the dad is involved, like I am, it is routine. It is not "babysitting." It is simply taking care of our son. I take our son to activities without my wife when she has other obligations, the same way she does when I am not available. We like to take him together, but that is not always an option. When I am with him at the house, at the park, or an activity my wife does not worry. She knows he is in good hands and will come home in one piece. And I enjoy the time I get to spend with our son. Every night its boys time for dinner, bath, and bed. But I also get to take him to the museum, to parties, to music class and all sorts of other activities. I would not trade the time I spend with my son for anything in the world. And I would not call it babysitting. It is rewarding and fun. All dads should get the same opportunities I have. Whatever happened to plain old common courtesy? From what I can see from daily interactions with people they simply do not exist.
No one says thank you for holding a door. No one says thank you period for that matter. No one lets you into a traffic line. Putting your dog out and letting it bark incessantly every morning at 6:00 am and no one will do anything because of who you are in the local government. These are just small examples but they have all but vanished from our society. I do not understand where they have gone or why they have disappeared but it has. And it is scary. If people do not respect one another society has nowhere to go but down. Respect your family. Respect your elders. Respect your colleagues. Respect your neighbors. None of these are difficult tasks but they go a long way. Someone who shows me common courtesy and respect have a lot better chance of receiving my help than someone who is rude and expects things to just be given to them. On the flip side if someone goes out of their way to not be courteous I will not afford them any courtesy and I will not treat them with anything above a minimum amount of decency. I do not know where common courtesy has gone but we need it back. Desperately. Every parent has been there. Your child has a cold or a fever or a tummy ache and turns into the devil child. They are not happy with the toys they usually like. They do not enjoy their usual food. They fuss. They cry. Normal activities become impossible. We all understand how it feels to be sick, but it must be that much worse when you cannot communicate exactly what is bothering you.
These days become the equivalent of walking through a minefield. We all want to do whatever is necessary to get our children better and back to being happy go lucky. They do not make it easy. There is no secret other than hope and pray. I learned this mantra while watching "Blended" with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. It is absolutely one of the most accurate ways to describe parenting. We are all well aware that at an early age it does not take much to entertain your child or make them happy - food, a cardboard box to play with and they are happy for hours. While this stage does not last all that long in the grand scheme, you are there for the duration. A child should know that their parents will always be there whether it's an art class, a swim lesson, a basketball game, or just playing in the house on a rainy day. Children should not have any significant events or memories that do not include their parents in some way.
At the time of the milestone event or mundane activity, children may not recognize the importance of you being there. But they will. And over time they will go through phases when they want you around and when they do not want you around. You never want to be in a situation where your children want you around but you are nowhere to be found. They will remember that. If it becomes a pattern it will change the dynamic of your relationship and they will lose confidence that you are always there for them. We would rather be the most boring, responsible, dependable parents in the world than being an absentee parent. Work ethic is a thing of the past. Nobody wants to work hard or earn their keep anymore. They would rather sit around and wait or ask for a handout.
This is not a world we want our son to grow up in. We want our son to work hard and learn what it means to earn something and to have good values. We will not be doing him any favors if we simply hand him everything he ever asks for. He will not work hard in school. He will not look to get a job or if he does it will be a work that rewards laziness. These are not traits that my wife and I have and these are not traits we want our son to have. Rather than working hard, people protest to have the minimum wage raised. Rather than working hard, people will stand in line for handouts. Rather than work hard, people will stay in low level jobs with no room for advancement. Rather than seek an answer, people will wait for someone to give it to them. And if that is the path you choose, so be it. But please do not have the nerve to complain you can never get ahead and you cannot buy things you wish you could. There are many paths to success and each person may seek a different path - but they all require hard work to achieve their goals. If you instill a work ethic in your children early on, they will reap the rewards forever. And this all begins with their role models - their parents. Everyone has heard the saying. And there is truth behind it. It used to mean that friends, family, neighbors, etc. were ready, willing, and able to help raise your child because that was simply what people did. From our experience, this saying has lost much of its meaning.
In my previous post I discussed parents being a team. The most important part of that team is having someone you can count on day in and day out no matter what is going on because you are both committed to the health and welfare of your child and family at large. In the modern world this takes on additional importance because you cannot count on people the same way you used to be able to. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule but in general my wife and I count on each other and any other help is gravy. While many people preach the importance of family, what they do not say out loud is that family is important when it does not interfere with what they have going on in their lives. We do not ask people to go out of their way for us, but we do seek help from time to time. And when we do, we expect that if you commit you will see your commitment through. Our babysitter shows up like clockwork every Saturday night. Our friends and family are hit or miss. Not so say that we do not understand when an emergency comes up. But to call at 9:59 when you are supposed to be somewhere at 10:00 that you will not be there is completely unacceptable. It is rude. And it can cost us both in time and money. No one likes to take time away from themselves anymore. When we make a commitment to be somewhere or help someone we show up. That is all we expect. Nowadays that seems to be a pipe dream. The village is no longer. Parents must be on the same page, period. If you are properly prepared to have a child you should have had a discussion as to how the child will be raised. An obvious caveat here is that you cannot predict the future and know exactly what will happen when your child is born. But if you agree in principle on how to raise your child, you will be steps ahead.
My wife and I make an excellent team in a variety of different ways. We know each other well enough to be able to predict how one person would react in a given situation. We can order food for each other without even having to ask (yes, I typically order at restaurants). We have the same level of education. We have many of the same interests. We were best friends who got married. Yes, we are quite lucky in that regard. And our son is the beneficiary of our good relationship as well. We agree on how to raise him, what he should be learning, how to react if he gets hurt or acts out. We are a united front which prevents him from being confused too much or being able to play one spouse versus the other. We are learning on a daily basis about how to raise him, but we are learning together. You must be able to rely on your spouse without exception. If we have to make a decision, we make it together even though one could make the decision and the other would agree. Raising a child is not easy, so having a partner by your side whom you trust and respect infinitely makes it that much easier. |
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