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This post is an extension of what I wrote about yesterday but is an important topic and one that needs to be emphasized.
A father wears many hats. He is a husband. He is a father. He is generally the bread winner. He is a coach. He is an expert. The common thread and the theme that ties it all together is that a father is a role model for his children. The importance of this cannot be stressed enough. Children predominantly learn their behavior at home when they are young, This is the foundation for how they will treat people, see people, act and look at the world. While no person is perfect, a father must do all he can to teach their children to have good values, good morals, and be a good person. If you as a father are not there (for whatever reason), your child loses out on a significant role model during their early development. If our children are forced to find a role model on television or on social media, a father has not fulfilled his duties. And worse, the people making headlines in the news everyday should not be someone your child looks up to. They are not good people - they are simply folks who garner attention for whatever nonsense antics they engage in. Your child should always want to come to you, as a father, first. Make sure to be there when they do.
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Fathers are supposed to be role models. You are supposed to be someone your child can look up to as an example of the right way to act and someone they want to emulate. While I cannot put my finger on what exactly caused the downslide, fathers are no longer the iconic figure they should be. Many fathers want to be their child's friend or want their child to think they are cool.
You know what is cool? Taking care of your family. Putting food on the table. Loving your spouse. Respecting your spouse. Respecting yourself. Building a safe and stable home for your family. The list goes on. But these are not options. You became a spouse, you became a parent and you have to take responsibility for your own actions. If you want your child to grow up and make something of themselves, it has to start with you. If you do not teach your children how to act and how to be responsible for themselves, you cannot complain when they are irresponsible. I am not saying that a child needs to grow up quickly and mature before they are ready. I am saying that a child needs to be guided properly so their actions and reputation are a positive reflection on you. It's simple, be a man. Your child's life will be full of milestones. Starting to crawl. First steps. Walking. Running. Talking. Using the potty. First words. The list goes on and on. In addition to the achievements themselves what is equally important, as I learned from my wife, is how you celebrate them. Get excited. Be happy. When your child learns that he or she is doing something correctly it will reinforce the action or habit. It will make them proud of their accomplishment and want to repeat them over and over. And that is exactly what you want - them to be proud. You want them to learn that whatever activity or habit they did is good and it should be continued. You may feel a bit silly, I know I do, when I over-exaggerate and get excited about the little things but your child is happy. And their smile and sense of accomplishment is well worth it. And let's be honest here, you will do many many things with your children that will make you feel silly but that will make them happy. Their accomplishments are your accomplishments and you should all celebrate together.
This is a topic that I have discussed recently, but one that bothers me. Why does someone become a parent if they have little to no interest in their child or children? Can someone please explain that to me?
We waited until we were at a point in our marriage and lives that we were prepared to have a child and wanted to bring one into the world. I know not everyone plans and prepares like we do, but you should not have a child before you are ready. There are people who do not want children or are really never ready for them, and there is nothing wrong with that. Parenting is difficult, it is not for everyone. But once you choose to have a child, your life should revolve around him or her. Literally. You cannot make any choices (large or small) without accounting for how it will impact your child, your spouse, your family. For example, we take our son out to lunch and what we order is based on foods he can and should be eating. We look to get a new car and we have to make sure it will accommodate his car seat. We look to take a trip and have to make sure the flight suits his schedule. There are things that we cannot control - a last minute emergency, a flight that gets delayed. But once you decide to have a child, you have to be committed to do the things you can control. Spend time with him or her at night and on weekends. Take vacations. Go to birthday parties and other events. Just show up. It is difficult to be reliable and dependable. It is easy to make an excuse. No one said parenting was easy, but it worth everything you put into it. As a parent your day revolves around nap time. When your child is an infant, there are more naps though the timing is unpredictable. As your child grows they sleep on a more predictable schedule - a full night sleep and one or two naps during the day. You do not realize how much you need your child to nap as much as they need it. When your child is tired and cranky they become extremely difficult if not impossible to deal with. That is why naps are so important - so they can rest and recharge. But as a parent, you need a bit of a recharge too. Our children are full of energy and wear us down running around. But even 15 or 20 minutes to sit and enjoy the quiet makes a world of difference. You may not always be able to actually sit and relax, but that brief respite allows you to settle down for a few. Our children's nap is as important to them as it is to us. We all enjoy the time.
This is a tradition that has gone by the wayside. Many parents will tell you that their families are too busy to all sit down together for dinner. Yes, people are busy. Nowadays one or both parents work and children have a variety of activities after school and on weekends. In our family, we make the time to have meals together. It is a little more difficult given our son's meal schedule (he eats dinner at 6) but we all try and at least sit together while he eats. On weekends we have all (or mostly all) of our meals together.
It is not about the meal. It is about making time to sit and be with your family without outside distractions (read: smart phones, tablets, etc.). It does not have to be anything formal or fancy - you just have to spend time together and catch up on what is going on with your family. The concept is not difficult, but it reaps huge rewards. You have to make time to be with your family, and what better excuse than a meal... We all want our children to wake up happy and smiling and ready for a good day. There are two reasons for this. One, we genuinely want our children to be happy and smiley. Two, the mood your child wakes up in sets the tone for the day. If he or she wakes up happy, it will generally be a good day. If he or she wakes up cranky and tired, batten down the hatches and prepare for the storm. Yes, it is always possible that their mood can change with an activity or a good nap. But there are no guarantees to that and dealing with a child who is cranky makes everything more difficult. And not to say that the child wants to be cranky - they can be teething or have a cold. Either way, the result is the same. We hope and pray everything morning that our son will wake up happy (and he generally does). He is in a phase where he is getting more sleep which helps tremendously. Hope your child woke up happy today!
Gone are the days of a photos being put into the family album only to be shared with boyfriends or girlfriends in an embarrassing manner. Nowadays our phones are cameras and computers all wrapped into one. With the click of a button those photos are on a variety of social media websites for the world to see. But whose decision is that to make? Recent court cases state that the photo is actually the property of the person in the photo, not the person taking it. In other words, the photo is your child's and they have to consent to posting it. Obviously a baby cannot consent. And even children who can talk are not capable of knowing what they are agreeing to.
So can a parent legally post a photo of their child? France does not think so. Under French Privacy law, a child could sue his or her parents for posting a baby photo on Facebook. Lawsuits aside, France has raised the broader concern of protecting children from potential predators or others who should not have access to their photos. This is a concern that should not be taken lightly. Protecting our children should be paramount. It is inevitable. A proud new parent shows off pictures of their new baby. They are super excited. They show you the picture and you see a very unfortunate looking baby. Your natural (and only safe) response is what a cute baby. Or like the doctor said in Seinfeld "what a breathtaking baby." A baby so ugly it literally takes your breath away and you cannot figure out a proper response to the horror you have just seen. You look for something in the picture to comment on - a cute outfit, a big smile, anything that will allow you to respond politely without offending the proud parent. And the worst part is you know you are going to see more and more pictures of this baby as it grows. The only hope you have is that it grows out of this "ugly phase" and becomes a non-offensive child. And no parent wants to admit that their child is not the cutest and most adorable in the world. But let's face facts, some babies get hit with the ugly stick during delivery. Others fall off the tree and hit every branch on the way down...My recommendation to all who may be in this situation - practice your poker face and look at lots of ugly babies so you are not shocked by the site of one.
 Every parents wants their child to be happy. And many will do just about anything to make their son or daughter happy. Even if that means going to the happiest place on earth. And I say it that way because even as much as I enjoy going as an adult, It loses its luster early on in the day. There are way too many people. The lines are ridiculous even with FastPass. The costs are outrageous. But our children do not know from any of this. All they know is they get to go on rides, see their favorite characters and run around this magical place.
If you can look at Disney from your child's perspective, it all makes sense. And you understand why they are happy and want to fight their eyes and go on ride after ride after ride. Disney will be a large part of our lives for the foreseeable future so our option at this point is to accept it and make the best of it. And yes, if all of the day's fun starts getting to you take a walk through the World Showcase and grab a snack for your children and perhaps a bit of spiked lemonade for you to take the edge off. |
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